I'm back from Pune. And there's too much to talk about!

It's almost strange how life or your perception of it can change so many times in such a short span of time. So many times that it is almost taxing on your sanity! So many times that you no longer understand if it's good or bad. In the complex maze of human relationships, it seems difficult to find a way out. Preoccupation becomes misery. And the misery is so beautiful that you never wanna let go of it. It must be like doing cocaine.

At the begining of March, there I was. Practical, objective, completely at ease, completely myself & very sure of where I was standing. Then a bizarre twist of events. So preoccupied I became with a beautiful thought, that I stopped being myself. Couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't talk. Couldn't work. I found myself slipping deeper into my preoccupation. So much so that I couldn't remember what I used to be like in normal times. As much as I enjoyed that misery, I prayed that I be back to normalcy again. It's good to have experiences. So from being a practical person to going this dangerously close to insanity... Wow! I won't forget this! :-D

My emotional stability and control over thought?

During the last 3 years, I'd learnt to turn the emotional switch on and off as and when required. I had reached a point where I could get over the greatest amount of mental pain with no fuss at all. My own problems never bothered me. What used to affect me more was somebody else's pain. I could smile at all times, no matter what. In fact, nothing vouches for that more than the fact that I taught so many people to do the same and help them move on in life. A strange sense of calmness prevailed in my life. The kind that I'd never experienced before. The kind that occurs when everything you do falls right in place! There was an answer to every problem. And yes there was emotional stability. It was there as if it was the only thing I ever had. My greatest strength.

The begining of March changed that. Now whenever somebody will talk to me about misery, I will be even more empathetic. Coz when it comes to the matters of the heart, all the practicality and objectivity get thrown out of the window. I learnt that the hard way. Extremely glad I did, though!

I'd never really thought that someday I would lose my mind like this. I thought it could never happen! Chris Isaak's song, which you will find in the new archive, was my story. So... anybody out there... thinking that they're too strong... BEWARE! It happens when it happens! When you have a preoccupation, it WILL test your sanity. No matter how strong you are. I think my sanity passed the test. And in my life, it was the biggest such test.

I can't help but laugh about how times like these can bring out the philosophers in us.

And I can't help but think that considering the SHEER amount of my misery, most people in a similar situation would do something stupid like getting addicted or may be even killing themselves. I am glad I never even FELT like going that way. I feel like myself again already. Abhinay rightly put it. Times like these help us become better persons when we finally move on. I feel better already!

So with that happy thought, I propose a toast:
1) First of all for Devarshi, who deservingly took the student of the year award
2) For God Almighty, who helped me keep the faith and stay alive!
3) For old friends who helped me through (you know who, if you're reading)
4) For my new best friend who is this incredibly understanding and intelligent person! I wish she'd know how MUCH I cherish our friendship!

Cheers!